|
|
So. Over a year later.. what has changed.. I finished my first year of college at University of California Santa Cruz. And by reading past posts.. i was a huge Harry Potter and One Tree Hill fan! omg! haha But i'm glad i kept the Xanga cause by reading it, i remember things i hella forgot ages ago. Everything was cute XD I must say i miss high school alot. Through the drama and bull shit. I met great people and awesome friends. Everything was so much simpler in a life that didnt have to deal with much. I miss it. | | |
|
So very stupidly I don't know how i deleted like 3 posts I had on Blogger. They were good blogs too!! T_T LOL Thank goodness I read them first :P
LOVE. I can honestly say I love him so much. He meant a lot to me. If only he could see that. What happened today at the mall made me realized everything I had been worrying about came true. The times he told me not to worry and I was being silly for being jealous at him hanging out with his friends that are girls came true. I always suspected he liked her. I mean why else would he have her picture has his cell phone wallpaper, why else would he put their picture as his myspace default picture, while else would he put her on top 1, why else would he rather hang out with her than me. He would call her baby and names like that when he didn't use to do that with me. Recently I believed i was silly for thinking that so I completely forgot about her, until he had to to tell me today she asked him to HIS senior prom. Well he said no, but apparently they forgot something missing in this equation, ME!? What about me? I have no say in this? I thought being with him for over a year would have meant something. I guess not. Then he has the audacity to tell me they would have hooked up. OH YEAH. thats supposed to make me feel sooo much better right?
PROM. He has the nerve to walk out on me for saying "oh. I guess I won't be going to prom with you.." then he gets mad and says I have the nerve to assume things?! What am I supposed to think? He would take me when he complains how much he hates dances?! What if I assumed he would take me? And he doesn't in the end? Where the hell would I find a date last minute?
AND he questions me why I don't like him wearing a bracelet his ex-girlfriend made for him. OKAY dumb!? HELLOOO I am a girl. What girl likes the guy to keep an ex-girlfriend's crap? I'm supposed to be fine with that? He has got to be kidding me right?
Wow. . all this has made me feel better. I can't believe I was crying for like two hour earlier.
IDK. There's a lot of things i would get mad about that end up I am wrong. But I don't think i am wrong here. If I let him slide with this, just like everything I let him slide with before, then I am not standing up for how i truly feel. There are times when I can careless about the things we fought about, but this I really feel deeply about.
PROM [2]. I really wanted to go with him. Being with for over a year, I never been to a dance with him and hes always talking about how he almost went her or he could have gone with her. WELL. what about me? I am dying to go with him and he can't even do this for me once. I know it's pretty selfish, but I guess I was asking for too much.
LOVE [2]. My heart is breaking so much right now. So many people told me to leave him when we first got together, but I didn't, cause I didn't care about what they thought. I liked him for who he was. He is funny, sweet, cool, and I just love having him around. He put up with me so much. I was pretty selfish and stuff, but what I hated, he never let me win any fights. Even when things I said had a point, but to him, there was no point to it. Even today, I still get shit for being with him, but form some, they understood why. They didn't tell me to break it off with him, but they talked about how when you love someone, nothing matters. I wish i can feel that RIGHT now.
GONE. Now I don't when I will ever see him again. I just wished he would understand how i felt about certain things. We can never be truly good, if those problems are resolved. I hate that we never have time to talk about these problems. When I actually stand in front of him, all my words, senses, problems, etc just fly away. I just wanna enjoy the time with him. When i actually remember them, we would end up in a fight. I'm so tired of fighting with him, but when things are good, I remember the bad things we never resolved. So I talk about it. FIGHT.
I miss him so much. But after hearing all these things he told me today. I don't even know how to think anymore. Did he want to hurt me so much so he just had to tell me those things? As strong as I wish i was. I wish I can fight through these tears..
| | |
| OMG Last day of school today!! T_T i had a awesome Jr. Year with all its heartaches, fun, ups and downs =] This year is completely diff from the beginning till now.. wowza! Well on wed. afternoon.. i got a haircut
Then Thurs afternoon... i got my hair colored.
so yepp starting summer off with a new look =]
| | |
| Okay, So i never tried typing about how i felt here. I'm bored and kinda in the moment so maybe i will.
I'm so sick of crying. What's wrong with me. One moment I am happy, one moment I'm not. All because of you.. You are never there when I need you but you are always there for someone else. You are always there too late. Why can't you just want me.. Here I am sitting crying because of you.. You affected these past few months so much. More than you'll ever know. I just wish I can do the same to you. It's so stupid to cry over a guy. Cause I know in a moment's flash, you'll prolly won't be there anymore.
These past months have been pretty great, with too much sad moments to count. Maybe we do need a break but i just can't let you go cause of all the good moments i know that will come. So please help me understand so that maybe i can feel better. Wherever you are.. maybe one day you find out how i actually feel. But then again you're gonna think i'm trippin' so i guess it doesn't really matter anymore.
Right now, here you are oblivious to everything. Later on, you're probably going to question me if i actually know how you feel. Maybe i'm wrong but at this moment, i don't know. You never let me know. No more lies.. i want the honest truth from you.
With someone else, you are always going to be. Everyone says I deserve better.. But you know what. I want you.. why can't i get the same emotions back..
The End.
| | |
| what a kiss means....actually read the whole thing cause its nice
+Kiss on the stomach = Im ready
+Kiss on the Forehead ="i hope we're together forever"
+Kiss on the Ear = You're my everything
+Kiss on the Cheek = "We're friends"
+Kiss on the Hand = "I adore you"
+Kiss on the Neck = "we belong together"
+Kiss on the Shoulder = "I want you"
+Kiss on the Lips = I love you"
What the gesture means...
+Holding Hands = "we definitely love each other"
+Slap on the Butt = "That's mine"
+Holding on tight = "i don't want to let go"
+Looking into each other's Eyes = "i just plain love you"
+Playing with Hair = "Tell me you love me"
+Arms around the Waist = "I love you too much to let go"
+Laughing while Kissing = "I am completely comfortable with you"
--Advice--
+ Dont ask for a kiss, take one.
+while kissing keep your eyes shut, nobody likes a peeker
+If you were thinking about someone while reading this,
you're definitely in Love.
--Requirements--
+Post this again after reading!!
Or you will have a bad yeeaar of Relationships.
If you LIKE, LOVE, OR MISS someone right now
and can't get them out of your head
then Re-post this within One Minute and Whoever you are missing will surprise you.
Repost this as "what a kiss means | | |
|
